You Are Not A Doormat

The first time I heard the term “you are not a doormat” was in the book ” debtor signals”. The author, Andrew juvenile, talks about the two symbols that we are all familiar with – the red and green circles. If you are worth knowing, our red circle encompasses our core beliefs, our values as well as our behaviors. These are all important because they tell us who we are and what we believe in. Our green circle tells others who we are – who we are as a person and how we show up. It is an exercise from our core beliefs that can be considered a character assessment.

If we are to be able to consciously communicate our core beliefs to others, those core beliefs must be able to withstand attacks from others with attacks of our own. Through religious or other beliefs, we reward others for our beliefs, both we and others. You are not doing anything wrong when friends tell you to be quiet, no one likes you, your kids are trying to win you over, anything anyone tells you is wrong. Your beliefs are being rewarded and reinforced. When it comes to business, what are my core beliefs in terms of my actions and behaviors? I tend to do right by my employers, I do the right thing, I sell for a reason, I do not take shortcuts, I stay focused on the task at hand, I resist clutter and haven’t always been the smartest businessperson. My core beliefs, however, are more associated with my personal behavior than corporate strategy. I believe a business owner should have an intelligence and maturity like mine, but for YOU to establish and excel to where you want to be, such beliefs are detrimental and your business is built on people’s belief in your product or service.

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What is being done for your core beliefs. You will hear multiple information and opinions from others. As one person said recently, “The most sophisticated people with the broadest assumptions tend to make poor decisions” When I read this, I could picture someone with an answer to a question in a form of discussion and thinking with a lot of assumption. We do not have the belief yet that we need to deal with the actions and behaviors of people around us, who may or may not be willing to help us decide. We communicate information that we have an answer to a question in the interview and then we proceed to communicate what we think the answer should be. If I represent myself in this way, I need to adjust my behaviors and behaviors of potential supporters for their beliefs. This is a part of communication, but we must not assume we know from someone’s communication what they think is right. Communication must be a two-way process.

When someone vents about their livelihood on the blog open forum of a professional organization, I naturally have the belief that they are probably right and that I too believe them. I want to ensure someone’s right. This just leads to a moment of doubt, where I question my belief in what they telling me. When I meet the group of people who have shared this belief, I have no problem in transitioning to work with them. As they share with me their observation, it feels like I am throwing out ideas too many of which may be just that. Assumptions, whether they express this or not, have value nor does the insight we were both looking to gain. We must be willing to let people vent without judging them. We can begin the two-way process where we are given each other permission to share our beliefs. Their beliefs must meet ours within reason.

There is risk in the process. If we have to change our belief, we have changed who we are. With each new belief does this demonstrate a new, better version of how we display ourselves. We know this is the best way to communicate our beliefs, but when we are the ones holding the belief we are taking a lot of risk to continue to believe what we believe. I belong to a membership board where we must never say anything especially if it seems negative. People have started putting up photos of themselves with others who have been like them. This discussion about what has been labeled ‘ scapegoating’.

The need to be right and to be right often pushes us to say no to people and see them lose faith in us. We are living in a liberating time. My belief, however, in what I have come to say is so strong because I consider it loving. We must look first to our beliefs andonly trust what we know that we can deliver – our core beliefs. If we can find a way to be seen as fulfilling these core beliefs, then we are actively being our best as we respect others’. We are completing our bests not merely being good at what we do.

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